They say pregnancy is the only time you fall in love with someone you’ve not met. Perhaps they are right. Or maybe not. I feel like I met you way before the scrub clad nurse brought you to me, announcing in her happiness laced high pitched voice- madam see your baby.
Yes, it was the first time I would see your pretty face with its little features, the first time I would hear your squeal, but we both know we have known each other long before that moment. From the very first day a tiny piece of paper announced your presence in my tummy, I knew I would not hesitate to give everything to see you be. And it almost took everything. In the months that followed, there were many days when the tiny flutter of your movement was the only reason I survived. The story of your gestation and birth is so long and juicy, I cannot now and here tell it. Just remember that while I travailed to give you life, you gave me life in more ways than one. You are God’s gift to me, an unmissable proof of His faithfulness to me, evidence that His word is true, an assurance that He is interested in my life. You are my miracle, my sign and wonder and I can’t recover from my amazement that you are here and you are mine.
That is why I cannot take chances where you are concerned. Whatever it takes, I must see to it that you turn out right. So, on a daily basis I beg God to help me be the mother you deserve. One that is not afraid to let you fly yet keeps you close where it counts. One you can count on to tell you the truth yet feel close enough to talk to about anything. I want to smother you with love without denying you your right to be disciplined. I want your body to be accustomed to my hugs, your ears to my whispers and your butt to my rod of correction. I hope you grow to see home as a place where you always have a place, a place where you are priority but I also hope that the discipline you learn at home will guard your decisions. I want to discover the many flavours of you, the little peculiarities that make you unique, I want to fan the flames of your passion, give wings to your dreams and platform to your talent yet I want to show you the way to walk in.
I want your confidence to be sky high and your humility to be sea deep. I want you to know the value of people but also the beauty of leading an independent life. I want to shield you from harm, yet I want you to know the wisdom that comes from rising after a fall. I want to buy you the best of everything there is but I also want you to understand that things are just things and your self-worth is not dependent on the label on your shirt. I want you to grow up without bounds, free to display your intelligence and draw from your bright mind yet I want you to understand boundaries and the wisdom of obedience. I am certain you will thrive at formal education, standing out like the proverbial gold fish but I also hope you are not defined merely by the degrees under your belt. I hope you discover other abilities, question norms, set new trail without neglecting the ancient land-marks. I hope you do not skip over your childhood, I hope you enjoy every phase there is to growth but I also want your hands to touch your dreams in good time, I want to kick away everything called delay on your path.
Your smile, still toothless, warms my heart, it is so effective it can make the worst day great, the grimmest place heaven. I hope to continually see your smile, be the reason behind the smile but I also know I will sometimes make you cry, disciplining you to ensure you someday shine.
We will learn together, grow together and by God we will triumph. You will exceed my expectations, surpass my dreams. You will take the wisdom we offer and blend it with your essence to produce a flavour too divine for us to imagine. Just know on those days when my voice is stern and face is set that there is nothing you can do that can deplete my love store for you. Your sheer existence is enough to make my day, anyday and I can never run out of love for you.
It’s been five months since you arrived and our journey is only starting. I look forward to the journey ahead. A life where I am your mother.
For Kikiara, held by the everlasting arms.